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October 21, 2005
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Post Game

Fri Oct 21, 2005, 7:37 AM
My solo show is down now, and all that is left are a few pieces in an inauspicious group show. Someone should ask:

How did the opening go, Doc?


Sigh... Where to begin? Well, let me tell ya, when you take a years worth of labor, love, obsession and hang them in a room, place yourself in said room, and then people that room with strangers and friends... It is an odd experience.

The night before the opening was spent at the recording studio where the Venture Players did their best to breathe life into the script for the Brothers Venture Comedy Semi-Hour Season Premier. Most of the core dialogue was done during the day. But by the time night began to drop from the sky, Jackson, the engineer and I were all that remained. And as always, Jackson and I walked home from the studio together. We do it every time, like thirty blocks. To talk, joke, enjoy each other. It's a tall drink of platonic love (with ice and a crazy-straw) that I will, without reservation, admit to enjoying. I absolutely cherish the friendship that I have with Jackson. There is no mystery how we can both write a script, without any interaction between us, and have it fall sweetly into the world of Venture. It is because we understand each other, respect each other, and hate ourselves. Don't ask... Just trust me here.

As our gay-assed "walk" (in the Robert Bly sense of the word "walk", and the middle school sense of compound word "gay-assed") drew to a close, I remembered that I needed to pick up my suit. Like four days prior, I brought in a suit for alteration. Not because I love an old Spanish guy slapping my nuts with the back of his hand as he checks my inseam... Because everybody loves that. And I can get that kinda treatment at the Ye Olde Spanish Baths, as I do on alternating Mondays. No. I brought in the suit to make it fit my frame better. Although I have what are considered larger that appropriate genitals and about nine or ten extremely long hairs growing from my rib-striped chest, I am not exactly...um...extra-manly. So every suit that has the sad job of keeping me less than naked and more than stylish has to be altered. And the tailor was on the way home.

Getting the refitted suit back from Senior Touchy Hand was the first real action that said to me "You have a solo show in a NY gallery, you dink". You would think the whole thing about me painting these fucking things would do that. Nope. I paint because I must. They are not made as a commodity or an object that will increase my social standing. Their completion and delivery to Arcadia Gallery did not represent any more than gaining a few extra inches of floor space at the Astro Base. But getting my newly altered prom dress crystalized the event for me. It had become real. It suddenly became one more venue to come off as a jerk. Just one more place to be awkward. And in front of my paintings no less. Would my scantily clad and indifferent oily women ever forgive me?

Later that same night, like around midnight or so, I walked to the gallery. I knew that they put up the show that night, and I wanted to see it through a window, as one would a puppy in a pet shop. I wanted to see it first, and drink it in. There it was, my name in big black letters with my painting just underneath it. Like I imagined it would be when I was in the mood to play make-believe. When I was in the mood to think that anybody could understand my mania. When I had had the time to dream. For a second, only a flash of time, I felt like I was not a monster, a broken man, a failed machine. For in that instant, I had done something that I dreamt of. Then I looked at my painting and saw its flaws - the romance was over. I was again only me.

-------------------------------------------------------------

On the night of the opening, I arrived at the gallery at the exact hour. To be fashionably late was never something I cared about. I like to think that I was stylishly punctual. As I entered the space, the first face that I recognized was James Urbaniak's. I love James. He is so bright and so real that I can't believe that he is an actor by profession. Not that actors are fake and that kind of thing, but they are usually fake and that kinda thing. You may think that I hang out with him and crap like that, but I don't. I would love to, but I just don't hang out with anybody. And I have always feared that he may not truly understand my expertly hidden goodness. He knows me professionally, and I suck at being professional. Not only am I about the angriest person I have ever known, I am strangely aggressive. In humor, love, everything... I am aggressive. And in truth, if you are not immediately intimidated by me, you are immediately annoyed at me. It's a curse, and don't think for a second that I don't try like hell to be a better man. I am just that bad. But inside, I am gentle, kind and made of a jelly that has pansy petals throughout, kinda like a marmalade that would taste like aspic tea. I used to fear that my exterior would make him weary of me. But he is a smart man, and I believe that he has forgiven my lack of social graces and may have even learned to enjoy them. So I was glad to see him and his beautiful wife first.

People asked me this and that. I was the maid of honor and it was hard to have a conversation with anybody. As one would begin, I would see someone else cue up to speak to me. It was an effort . How the fuck do people do that kinda shit? I was fully aware that if I didn't say or do the "right" thing, I would be branded an asshole. Not an awkward painter, but an asshole. It's happened before. Nobody stops to think that the kind of person who would have high profile music, painting and writing careers might be socially bizarre, they just think "asshole". And these people that brand me as such are not mean people. They simply lack the sympathy required to meet one of those shut-ins that have become an "art martyr". I understand why they do it, and even try to please them to the best of my ability. But I know it happens even when I try to avoid it. Even when I think that I survived the freak show and everybody got their quarters worth of viewing my deformity, I know that there will will be talk of what a dick I was. But that night seemed better than usual. I met a lot of people that seemed to "get" me. I felt okay about my life. Sadly, I'm sure there is some blog or message board out there that paints me as a blabber mouth or some kind of an asshole. All because somebody lacked the courage to walk up to me and go "I love the Venture Brothers. I'll give you a dollar if you talk like Dr. Girlfriend." If they only knew that I would let them keep their dollar and give them a new outgoing message on their cell phone as Dr. Girlfriend or Henchman 21. It has been said that "ya can't please everybody". But that was said before the invention of the blog.

Jackson showed up late. I was not mad. I didn't keep tabs on who showed up so that I could hate them when they didn't. I didn't send out formal invites or emails. I just posted it here and told people that I ran into. Who ever came, fine. Whoever didn't, fine. It was not a proving ground for loyalty, it was a bunch of my paintings for sale, and little more. But I did want Jackson there. I wanted to share this with him. And although only like four people brought up the Brothers Venture, I knew that people wanted to look at him. I had the feeling that some people tried their politest best not to bring up my other career with me. Ya know, to give my paintings respect or something. But it's always fine with me when people bring up VB. It's another art of mine they appreciate, and it doesn't diminish my painting accomplishments. I mean, it's not like I want some tool to tell me that they don't like my paintings but love the Venture Brothers at an opening of my work. But I don't think that there are that many insensitive monsters watching the Venture Brothers. I like to think that our fans are smarter than that. And for the most part, I am proved correct in this assumption. So I really needed my Venture brother at my side. I was glad to have Jackson there. And that beautiful bastard wore a suit. Bet he didn't need to get it altered...

Got to meet a couple people from the DA community. Artistguy76 talked with me for like ten minutes before I was able to make the connection with this place. Ya know, he was a real guy with a real name and I was just not getting it. When I finally did, I felt like a total fool. I wished that he was wearing a name-tag with his avatar on it so that I didn't have to rely on my feeble brain to realize that we were inter-web-friends. Man, I must have come off as a this guy that has no room for the "little people", when in fact, I was his true pen-pall. Whatever. I was not myself that night. I was enduring a situation that I have never experienced. It was the beginning of my carer as a painter. One more path that I must travel. And I have patiently waited a lifetime to walk that path.

Ultimately, I encountered no real problems. Everybody I met was pretty cool. And were I in a more normal frame of mind, I would have exchanged numbers with many of them. That reminds me: I need a personal assistant. I need somebody that can do the things that I can't. Hell, I'll pay ya. You just have to like answer my mail, pay my bills, call my friends and apologize for my behavior... shit like that.

At the end of the night, after Arcadia threw us out at exactly 8:00, I sat on the steps with my close friends. It was over... Thank fucking god. Oh yeah, some guy came up to Jackson and I as we sat on those steps and asked us for advice in how to "make it" in animation. We gave that poor guy like a half an hour of seemingly insane advice. The core of it being a very sound "Don't suck and don't give up", but I clearly remember throwing in inapplicable Bruce Lee quotes as if they were gems of my wisdom. But come on, what do you expect from guys that write a comedy cartoon, actual advice? Anyway, I wish the guy well. I should have just told him to rip-off the Simpsons.

A few stragglers came to see the show later in the weeks following. Some of them got a more leisurely personal tour of my work. That was much nicer. One girl was able to get my Williams Street hoodie off me. I warned her that if I saw it on ebay, there would be severe reprocussions. And if it failed to fetch a premium price, one of the repercussions would be me complaining how unappreciated I am. It pays to to just write me and tell me that you would like see the show and ask if I would be around. I would most likely jump at the chance to babble endlessly about my work. As I think about it, am sure that I came off as an aggressive asshole to all of them too. Ya know. I may well be an asshole. I should look into accepting that. It may be my new schtick. And those guys do super great with the ladies.

  • Mood:
  • Listening to: Paper Tigers (Chameleons)
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:iconthisbrokenvalentine:
thisbrokenvalentine Featured By Owner May 6, 2011   Traditional Artist
I like how everyone pretended to ignore the "Although I have what are considered larger that appropriate genitals and about nine or ten extremely long hairs growing from my rib-striped chest, I am not exactly...um...extra-manly." comment.

Everyones taking the high-ground and talking about your art.

You know you're all contemplating that line now! Pervs.
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:iconryangutz:
RyanGutz Featured By Owner Mar 31, 2009
Sir, I have been a fan of yours for some time. Putting Venture Brothers aside (as something I cherish like an infant with magical powers), I can honestly say that your paintings are accomplished beautifully. Furthermore, realizing that your self-criticism is apart of your process, I still feel the need to say that you deserve a bit more self-congratulatory pauses than you offer yourself. But if you did, it may kill you, just as a shark cannot stop swimming, lest it become a dead shark.

P.S. I wrote a compendium containing a screenplay, a comic book and a short, illustrated novel that I am sending to the Astrobase, with the hopes of getting an opinion from you and Jackson. This is the first in a series of attempts I plan on making to reach out to artists and writers I admire.
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:iconcathedraljunki:
cathedraljunki Featured By Owner Sep 17, 2007
Hey Doc,

You know i've met you--twice now--at Dragon Con down in Georgia. (i'm the chick that you had the weird semi-conversation over the mike with, also known as Erin) And not for one second did i think you were an ass. In point of fact i thought you were one of the nicest guys that i've ever met. There's nothing wrong with being socially awkward. Seriously. And if the people viewing your art don't get that then screw them, they're the ones that are missing out.

I don't know how serious you were about getting a personal assistant, but i'd do it. I live in Georgia, so you may not *want* me to do it, but if its just returning phone calls and answering e-mail, i can do all of that long distance. I'm being serious here, and if you are as well, drop me a line at erinn.go.braugh@gmail.com

Anyway, i'm glad that the show went off more or less without a hitch, something like that would make me nervous too. All those people judging something that's so close to your heart, o.O

Try to lighten up on yourself, your a brilliant artist and a nice guy and a lot of fun to talk to.

Erin
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:iconverbminx:
verbminx Featured By Owner Mar 13, 2006
Oh, my god, it's so embarrassing: not only would I have offered to pay you $5 to do the Dr Girlfriend voice, I probably would have done it in my own approximation of the Dr Girlfriend voice. *facepalm*
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:iconkilltheworld:
KillTheWorld Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2005  Hobbyist Digital Artist
You're never gonna have a show at the Museum of Fine Arts in Boston, are you? I heard that's where you studied originally...I'd probably be first in line to see ya if that was the case (and probably the only one in Massachusetts who knows who you are).

I dunno how any of that stuff works or what your schedule's like...but if you're ever in the area...make it public cuz I'd gladly pay ya a visit. Peace?!
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:iconconneil:
Conneil Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2005
Hey Doc, I been sort of watching you lazily in between paintings... (With out actually watching you) see, that’s the lazy again... and yeah you have enough people gooing all over you all the time. And rightly so, people are smart sometimes.

For today I’m going to count myself in and take the opportunity to say congrats on a good show, and on not getting drunk at your first show out of… hmm… what ever made me do that at mine >< thank god it was in a salon and not a gallery. Yeah fear I guess or something… putting all your work in a room of people who either want to stare at it to find its flaws, don’t care about it but like being at art shows, or just simply love you and your work, is definitely weird… umm, like you follow the latter group there to the office to celebrate their what ever it is they do right? Probably not I’m thinking (hopefully because that’d be odd even for a painter). So the good attention is even unnerving, but you survived and that last group of people are ones in which you can do no wrong by so don’t sweat it. Their love and your obsession with getting better is all you need. The others are just always there, so get used to them.

Any how I’m glad the show went well, and for the record you seem busy, a bit 'art fucky' (don’t worry it is in style at the moment) but there seems to be very little evidence of assholeness around your page, and I never would have thought you would worry coming off that way, not that you know me etc. just you always seem rather open and helpful in your journals.

your paintings amaze me, they are timeless, familiar and warm like.. hmm, Rembrandt on ecstasy… if you don’t get to sick of being compared to old masters… and I just wanted to say congrats on waking up to a dream... Your work really deserves the praise, and you don’t deserve the stress. But that’s the way it is when you are celebrated before you die in the art world. That makes you entirely blessed. So to add to what the other have said, your not at all alone in your anxiety like you would paint anyless if you were right.

Hope you see another one soonish but not too soon else you espload.
You’re just fine :)

and thats the longest comment i ever wrote :nana:
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:iconconneil:
Conneil Featured By Owner Nov 14, 2005
Aw nice, I can’t sleep and now I get to ramble at someone… (you poor bugger) heheh

art fucky.. hmm... yeah not really a reworking of artsy fartsy by me, because that’s just more of what I can only conclude is people’s way of labeling painter eccentricities... (And you know you have some so don’t bother trying to tell yourself you don’t) But you can tell me about it cause that would entertain me deeply even though I’m not going to be the one to point them out to you ((( –cough~you were born with that sweet hair~cough-- ))) because you would wiggle out of it and find a way to make me fell dumb. Ahem..

This is just my opinion, so you can’t get all like I think I actually am some authority here.. I'm not. And I said ‘you seem’ as in, to me and my little shut in heads observational skills etc. crap.. I was going to say something worth typing here… or was i?

Oh yeah, I wouldn’t say artsy fartsy either because for one, I wouldn’t insult a good painter with a flatulence reference and for two that word combo is gay and only really should apply to people who like being around ‘art’ and artists etc.. Yeah… and then they drink herbal tea and draw pictures of suns and moons and tarot cards (no idea why it makes me think that and I can’t afford a hypnotist to help me find out the story behind that but its clearly rooted deep in my childhood so meh) and herbal tea is super yummy if it is sorta fresh.

And as much as I think it is possible that it might do you some good to have a good insult amongst your bombardment of praises, I decided it wasn’t bad being called this ('art fucky'), or seeing others be called this. This happened when I tried to understand obsession with one day painting something I actually want to look at later on. I concluded it doesn’t really keep me going that other people want to look but that they do, keeps me alive. And maybe some other humans who paint all their life share that feeling… But that’s not really the point… and I still don’t know quite why, but I think it is just most likely about ego, and the sleep deprived bullshitter in me offers this: the physical realm applies allot of things to ego and that, and I think all sorts of fucking is applied to everything indeed.

See, it’s the ego pouring your heart, personality, efforts and delights into something people just…look at, and that is voyeurism and doing it better than anyone else is just public masturbation. And that leads me to my spontaneous definition of art fucky for you. (And please don’t take it as an insult it isn’t meant to be... just give it a think and maybe a laugh or shrug)

Now I'm by no stretch of the imagination a master and thankfully don’t know what it is like being compared to one by someone who knows their shit, because if I had that experience I think I would pop due to joy and then die due to death. It must be a sweet world in your head where you can give, being compared, by hundreds of folks to a master a good ol’ le shrug. Maybe that’s what happens when you sort out being one… who knows… But I’m really happy for you because it suits you and clearly you have worked very hard. And just to soften that, it seems to me you are not at all copying them or their strokes (no pun intended… or reference to my distastefully graphic definition of ‘art fucky’) so don’t think I think that, I just really feel you share in the skill pool of celebrated painters and hints of your appreciation for their work are reflected in yours. I should have been a bit clearer because no one wants to hear that they are doing something that has been done when they aren’t. It would be really delightful for me to see a ‘live’ painting of yours given that I’m positive you have poured a bunch of goo into it that I can’t see through this internetery.

I’m not really old enough to be puking my opinions at any one but you gave me a soap box so... I’m starting to think that just cause we move some colored goo around on something flat, maybe round (whatever) with a bit of understanding about how to create realistic illusions or pleasing shapes doesn’t really make us useful, so then why do we do it? It could be because people did it before us and we must sort out how to do it better then them -although few of us will? Hence our studies of the ‘masters’ and my conclusions about the role of ego in masterful painting. If Rembrandt chases you in your dreams, to me it is most likely because you are chasing the skill he had in order to make something as good as he did but in a subject you would rather look at or something to that effect… It’s allot of energy for moving goo around and looking at shit, and to me that seems wonderfully fucky ;)

Incase this makes no sense to you or you think I’m a dolt now, let me assure you I probably am by most standards, I have little to no education period, self taught in all things and really very far from being done with that, but I have chased masters around in my head since I was a very little girl as well (not that you were ever a very little girl or that I would have access to that information if by some fluke that is the case seems to me improbable at best) :P I will be really honest here, I feel like a total idiot in rooms of people that have what looks to me an understanding of ‘art’ because I have no list of definitions in my head of art movements, trends, time lines history etc. And suck at even name dropping, infact, I had to spell check Rembrandt <- (did it again)... Maybe that’s my problem and I should read more about musicians and painters and listen and look less… (But again with the lazy ‘I would rather paint’). Mind, then I could concentrate more on what movement my attempt at learning to move goo around in a pleasing fashion for me to look at, as though I wasn’t looking at my ego, fits into, and could understand what critics are on about… I dunno. But the brush strokes and beats are tattooed in the cricks of my brain somewhere and I poke at those as often as possible. I’m afraid therefore, some of your jokes (that I’m sure are super clever) are right the hell over my head and a bit wasted on me. So yeah I feel like an igit once again and my dirty little secret is now stuck here in dA grey and black in your lovely journal…

And yeah, I got a good laugh from your reply but I really have no idea if you copulate with art, that sounds wonderfully messy though and the thought of it mixed with my own paint fettish really wants to get me way off topic, and start inquiring about the bra thing… I will refrain for the sake of how long this reply is getting and I should paint and smoke now. Oh also, I think you are the exactly right amount into this shit because I heard where ever you are is exactly where you want to be and I think it has a nice ring to it.

You are welcome for the nice! Wasn’t a problem for me… and if anyone else is so bored as to take the time to read this to the end you should listen about the linseed oil thing because it is heavenly, and to paint with turp is for industrial signage that has to survive out doors in candian or russian winters or something before it crumbles it’s short little life to flakey yuck and blows away. In that case, if you are a pro sign painter, don’t breathe it because thats cheap.


awwwwe yeeah, I broke my last record.
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:icondoc-hammer:
Doc-Hammer Featured By Owner Nov 13, 2005
What does "art fucky" mean? No, really... I have no clue. And it was in the lonely context of "you are". I can't even glean a definition. Is it like that I'm way into this shit? Or does it mean that I copulate with art? Is it a reworking of "artsy-fartsy"? No clue. But, I do like the word "fucky".

And you asked if I hate being compared with the old masters. Not sure... I mean, be honest, it's hard to avoid that comparison, especially if these little, flat j-pegs are all people know of my work. It's just bound to happen. I guess it would also depend on what Master I am being aligned with. If some body says Titian, Rembrandt or something like that... What am I gonna do? Am I gonna get annoyed by being compared to the greatest painters in history? Nope. I stand on their strong backs. Were it not for them, I would be doing... Ooops, I was about to bash a specific movement. Nevermind. But no, for the most part, people can draw any comparison they wish. It has no effect on my work or how I feel about my work. The real truth is: When somebody draws a comparison between my work and another painter's... Is says more about them than me.

And thanks for the nice... I appreciate it.
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:iconconneil:
Conneil Featured By Owner Nov 16, 2005
since i last commented i did some reading on art movements and i think i got your joke/statement now... and i think there is quite a bit of art i didn’t really know about or why it happened... and now i do, and it is a bit depressing... and i think i will be cynical now for like a week even... and then get back to painting my motel art.

with my new found understanding of art movements and critics and what they seem so lap up, I have decided that classical traditional type painters need an edge, therefore i have also decided you do indeed copulate with art cause that would be a good rumor for your career. so tell as many people as possible and i will try as well k. and thus the new definition for art fuck is born. so you can disregard my last pile of bullshit now.

happy 'painting' Doc! (wink wink)

*sniggers*
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:iconwingsofjudas:
wingsofjudas Featured By Owner Nov 7, 2005  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
That's some interesting insight... I've given up on "serious art" so I doubt I'll find myself in a situation like that... Especially without any pursuit of art as a profession anyways. Blah...

Anyhoo, I used to bug you with via my =doommuffin account and for some reason found it necessary to continue. Especially since You posted that amazing nose! Get back on my Watch list!
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