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About Deviant Artist Member Doctor HammerMale/United States Recent Activity
Deviant for 10 Years
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Devpost by Doc-Hammer
That's me painting. Yes, that’s a denim apron. I think if I can look like a mom making god’s eyes with a Brownie troop, it will only help my work. 

I’m painting again. It’s been what? Like seven years? More? Less? I’ve no idea. I forgot almost everything about the process of painting. Every recipe, every method, everything. Each painting I’m working on is constructed differently. Changing everything. The ground, the medium, the order, the pigments… I’ve no fucking clue what I’m doing. Miraculously, it’s given me a freedom to move untethered. I’m a hungry student again.

I feel like I’ve been dropped back into a high school English class. I know so fucking much about the power and arrangement of words, but it doesn’t matter because I can’t spell, and I can’t remember what a gerund is. I think the teacher is younger than I am, and everything in my ape brain says “If I fight him and steal his wife, would I get an ‘A’? Is there any way out? What the fuck am I doing here getting my ass humbled?”

Why do I do this? Honestly, what is my drive? Approval? Geezus, that can’t be it. I mean, humanity has already placed me in a specific corner of the room. I’m the Venture guy. Anything else I do will look like a hobby, and be “approved” of as such. “Nice job, Venture guy! Where’s my next season?” (NOTE: It’s coming, it’ll be great, and Venture is eternally a huge and beautiful part of my life… I can do many things at once. Ya gotta trust me.) So approval can’t be it. For fun? Do I paint for fun? Ummm, fuck no. Painting brings me a constant crisis of faith. It’s a miserable process of balancing never ending disappointments on the trembling back of your expectations. True, there are moments of glorious understandings that fill the entire body with intoxications unavailable through pharmaceuticals. A glimpse of Truth that almost explains every ‘why’ you’ve pondered. But for the most part, painting makes my heart hurt.

So what’s the reason I do this? Okay, fine, I’ll give you the goo in my chest, the blood in my veins, and the tears locked behind my eyeballs: I feel I must paint. I must paint alone and consider nothing but my esthetics. No opinions, voices, judgments, kudos, praise, scorn or demands but my own. It’s torture. Every stroke keeps me alive or pierces my heart. I must drive myself like a hateful employer. Maybe I’m proving something to myself. Or! Maybe some asshole broke into my parents house, and as a joke leaned over my crib and whispered “You are the greatest painter of your generation, now prove it, you worthless shithead.” Or! Maybe we have a destiny. Okay, wait, hear me out! I don’t mean that we have a fate. That we can’t make choices, and everything happens for a reason. C’mon, that isn’t what saying. I’m saying that maybe life is a journey from A to B. There is a path that we feel below our feet. We know when we’re on it. And we know when we’ve walked off of it. And at our worst, we know when we’ve strayed so far off the path that we are just fucking full-on lost. Ya see what I’m saying? Like, we still make choices, change our fate, and control our destiny. But it sure feels like this “destiny” has carved a path for us that we can either take, or not… But I think the thing with somebody breaking into a child’s bedroom and setting the seeds of later torments is probably what happened. I mean, messing around with the cosmic unknowable is fun and all, but I know my parents didn’t always keep our front door locked when I was a tyke.

I love you,

Doc Hammer


Doc-Hammer's Profile Picture
Doctor Hammer
United States
Current Residence: NYC
deviantWEAR sizing preference: Like a women's medium.
Favourite genre of music: Snore Core, and my band "WEEP"
Favourite photographer: I liked Helmut Newton when I was a kid... Probably still do.
Favourite style of art: Style? Ummm, heartfelt and honest, but not "clever".
Operating System: Mac, G5
MP3 player of choice: Extra-old, 10G ipod
Shell of choice: Shell Levene (Ya know, Glengarry Glen Ross)
Wallpaper of choice: William Morris, in pale greens.
Skin of choice: Ummm, girl skin? Like, extra-soft girl skin.
Favourite cartoon character: Dr. Girlfriend, Master Billy Quizboy, Henchman No.21
Personal Quote: If your work can be easily copied, it should be.
I don't know if anybody has bothered to watch "Style Me" on WE (Women's Entertainment Television). It's a show hosted by the over-tanned and under-talented Rachel Hunter, that is primarily a ripoff of "Project Runway". But instead of competing as fashion designers, the "Style Me" bunch has to compete as stylists. Well anyway, they have finished the season and announced a winner.

So you are naturally going "Who cares?" Well, I do. And not because I give a shit about the lazy and manipulative world of Reality TV (note: I care about the lazy and manipulative world of cartoons, I guess). I care because… is the winner. Yes, that's the girl who won the privilege/responsibility of trying to make Rachel Hunter look like she dresses well.

She sat for that painting right before she was sequestered with the other stylists. I mean like just a few days before this "Style Me" thing went down. And here is a telling tidbit: She made that bra she is wearing in my painting.

What? What was that? ... Yes! The answer is YES! I take full credit for her victory! The fact that she was far and away the best stylist is immaterial. I don't like to get bogged down with facts when I am taking the credit for other's achievements.

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ImaLumpyMonkey Featured By Owner Feb 14, 2015  Student General Artist
EricFinnertyArt Featured By Owner Feb 2, 2015
I don't look at you as the "Venture guy". I see you as a artsee-fartsie  guy. ;) Love the work dude, I see what you mean. -Eric
caesaraugustus Featured By Owner Jan 17, 2015
I hate you! Now make more cartoons! ;)
AnielaAbair Featured By Owner Dec 1, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Really enjoy your work and pleasantly amazed by your painting skills and talent. Can't wait to see more.
spiffyart Featured By Owner Oct 21, 2014  Professional Digital Artist
I listened to your band WEEP while browsing your paintings, you humble me with your multi talent mood stirring work. Plz make 21 resurrect 24!!
thereal21 Featured By Owner Aug 13, 2014
dude I need your autograph I won't give it out to anybody just shoot me an email I need to get your autograph
bobbyjohnford Featured By Owner Jun 12, 2014  Hobbyist
You are a tool
Loana-Lalonde Featured By Owner May 14, 2014  Student General Artist
Hello there! :D
dragon-of-seth Featured By Owner Apr 25, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Mannn, I hope you still do your paintings, We don't see them here any more. :/
LeMorteNoir Featured By Owner Apr 20, 2014  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
If you need a sitter, hit me up. We used to be friends on MySpace; I liked your Gretsch. Facebook me, search Sarah Gibney, or Instagram me at LeMorteNoir. Until then, be good!
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